My "come to Jesus" moment

With everything going on in the world, I thought I would share a bit of positivity. Many people experience 'come to Jesus' moments in their lifetime, but mine happened pretty early. 

When I was younger I had horrible anxiety. Anytime my dad was late picking me up from school, I thought he had gotten into an accident and was hurt. I spent many days at kidzone crying my eyes out because I was still there after 5:00. I'm pretty sure all the workers hated me. I worried about every little thing. I was the most introverted introvert there ever was. 

I wasn't always like this. At least I don't think I was. The event that triggered this deep level of anxiety was definitely the death of my great grandmother. Up until that point in my life, I had never known someone who died. I had never seen an actual dead person. To me, death was just a thing people talked about, not a thing that could actually happen to me and those I care about. I remember going to her funeral and seeing my mom break down crying. It was then that I realized life could actually end.

After the funeral, I entered a stage of my life where I don't remember much. Probably because I didn't do anything. I do remember being up late at night, unable to breathe because I had worked myself into such a panic. I remember waking up shaking and crying, one time even running to the bathroom to throw up. I would run to the office and sit on my dad's lap while he tried to calm me down.

This went on for a while. It got to a point where when my other great grandma passed away, I didn't go to her funeral in fear of my anxiety worsening. 

This whole part of my life is foggy in my memory. I honestly can't even remember how old I was at the time. But, I do remember when this cycle ended. It was Ash Wednesday and my mom was forcing us to go to a church service. Being the child I was then, I just thought of it as a random time I had to get dressed up and sit in a room for an hour listening to someone talk. The whole sermon went on without interruption and I don't remember what it was about. 

Then, they handed out little pieces of paper to everyone and told us to write down one thing we want to get rid of or live without. I immediately wrote down "my worries". Everyone then took turns walking to the front of the church and nailing their piece of paper to a giant wooden cross. I can't remember what they said they were going to do with the cross, maybe burn it? I do remember that I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I nailed my piece on.

Now, probably 6-7 years later, I am a completely new person. I haven't woken up in a panic since that slip of paper was nailed to that cross. I'm more outgoing and happy. I try new things and I don't worry about every little thing. Although I still fear death (who doesn't?), I know it just means I need to remember that life is short. Spend more time with your family, make new friends, talk to that cute boy in your science class- just accomplish those goals you set for yourself. Don't say you'll "do it later" because you may not have that time. 

Some people are Christians just because their parents told them they were. I am a Christian because I had a moment in which God completely changed my life for the better. I hope you are able to experience a "come to Jesus" moment of your own at some point.